I was a twenty three year old girl with a very lost soul on Christmas evening of 2013. I believed I was the Christian Loubtion red bottoms I wore, the Chanel bag I carried, and the amount of money in my bank account. I believed my purpose was to please men in order to live a luxurious life. I felt zero self-worth and could not carry on a conversation unless I was throwing back drank after drank. I could not bare looking anyone in the eyes sober- it was if a vacuum sucked up my soul and left me dead as a corpse inside. The only time I felt any life force was when I was highly intoxicated. On this Christmas evening a family member asked me if I was working the streets. Even though I wasn’t a prostitute, these words tore me up. A fire was lit and I knew it was time to radically transform. I could not keep living this way any more.
I broke down to my sister and sobbed my eyes out for help and she recommended reading a book. I cried out, “A BOOK! I do not freaking read!” This idea seemed foreign to me because I hated learning while growing up and had not opened a book in at least six years. I listened to her suggestion and serendipitously was guided to Rhonda Byrne’s “The Secret” The theme of the book is: your thoughts create your reality. I thought this was bullshit! As I read the book I chuckled, “Okay, if this shit is real, PROVE IT.” The next morning my facebook inbox lit up and I received a message from a new strip club in Miami. They asked if I wanted to work the launch of the club and the owner said he would pay for my flight and hotel for a month. I jumped up and down in exuberant joy! Miami was my favorite place on planet earth. I thought, “Um yes! This law of attraction stuff might actually work!”
This was the initial thread into the depths of my spiritual development journey. I moved to Miami, did a lot of mushrooms and had insane spiritual awakenings, fell in love with yoga/meditation, was inspired to get sober and further transform my life at Burning Man festival August of 2014, sold all my designer items to travel the world, went to yoga teacher trainings in Bali and India, attended college at Naropa University, became a life coach, and that basically brings me to where I am today- a woman on a god damn mission to awaken Divine consciousness on this planet!
Sometimes the past six-seven years of becoming the woman I am today feels like it happened within a snap of my fingers, but it did not! It was freaking blood, sweat, and tears- y’all. While there has been so many light and airy joyful moments, this shit has also been challenging AF. Thich Nhat Hanh states, “The only way out is through” and this is the damn truth! The only way to discover one’s true self, aka the light and unconditional love/potential, is to move through the dark murky subconscious mind. Underneath all the fog there is a sparkling gem treasure box. Joseph Campbell calls this journey within ‘the hero’s journey’. It takes a committed warrior who is willing to face all their darkest demons and surrender their life to the light.
Stepping into the confident woman I am now is a pure reflection of owning my light and living from my heart-space- this is sacred power. Opening up my heart has required MASSIVE effort and training. It took the courage to cannon ball into the shadow and my deepest vulnerabilities daily. It looked like falling down (metaphorically and literally) to my knees in absolute surrender screaming GUIDES PLEASE HELP ME!
The topic of darkness might sound terrifying. You might be hearing screw this I’m outie. But darling, you will never live to your potential or embody the full dynamic richness of this human experience if you choose to run and hide, your soul is calling to rise baby rise.
Having the determination to face our shadows and rise again and again a thousand times is the path of a true light warrior. If there is one thing I am the most passionate about it is the art of transformation and actualization of human potential. We literally can do anything and everything if we have radical conviction to put the work in. That is it. WORK. Transformation does not happen by snapping one’s fingers. It requires determination, effort, discipline, commitment, practice, topped off with the sweet nectar of gentleness. Transformation is the element of fire. It is sacred alchemy. It is shifting all darkness into pure consciousness. Discovering the true self requires overcoming mental laziness and surfing against the heavy currents of the ego. My spiritual teacher always says, “The greatest issue humans have is mental laziness. When it comes to working with our minds we are so lazy.” If we want to live our best life it is essential to stop for a minute to feel gratitude, pray in the morning or connect to our breath, reframe our thoughts, work with mantras, and carve out space for higher-vibe practices.
I was able to transform from a hard-core alcoholic woman drained of any confidence or sense of purpose, into a being who glows with radiance through the relentless willingness to go to any length to rise. I wore plain clothes for years to tame a narcissistic attention seeking ego. I spent every evening at recovery meetings or spiritual book study groups. I listened to spiritual teachings non-stop everyday like they were music. I have not skipped a meditation/ morning spiritual practice in the past six years. I practiced yoga just about every single day for three years. I leaned into the edges of my greatest fears. I spent hours in my journal investigating my shadows and rewiring my mindset. I still do all of these things today because spiritual-development, transformation, is a daily retrieval and up-keep. It is vital to remember the unfoldment of everyone’s journey will look different and be flavored with what best suites their soul. The most important thing is to first surrender to something greater than the human self and invite in it’s guidance to take over. Offer your life through the prayer, “Thy will be done. Thy will is yours”. Allow Divine guidance to take reign from here. Trust me love, you will be led one step at a time into your greatest expression with this simple step and a whole lot of radical willingness!
Sending much love and blessings on your journey of awakening.
If you are feeling this- this is the essence of my podcast ‘ The Naked Essence’ which you can find on my website and iTunes. Check it out and let me know what you think! If you leave a review you can win a chance to have a free coaching session with me. I draw a raffle at the end of each month for anyone who leaves a review and choose one name
If you need a helping spirit buddy hand with spiritual development, you know I got you boo. I am a 1:1 sacred empowerment coach who specializes in this realm. Please reach out! Send me an email or direct message on social media. I offer complimentary discovery class to explore your deepest desires and what a coaching session would entail. For me info- check out my coaching service page.
I also am launching an online sacred sister circle called Rise Queen Rise March 9th. For more information below is the link