Bitterness like a bee sting in the chest. Whole being contracted. Thoughts are ruminating while phone endlessly buzzes, “Stop fucking messaging me. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to be helpful. God dammit I want to throw this thing across the room.” The shame spirals begin. More thoughts, ‘Shit, this isn’t what ‘spiritual people’ do. I should open up. I am supposed to be ‘positive’. I suck at this.’
Why, hello there human! The itchy bitter somatic sensation. The sharp thoughts. The metal walls around your heart is a sure sign you are human. You are not alone. There are seven. five billion of you on this planet orbiting around the sun. Every one you see walking down the street and in your ‘spiritual’ circle has similar experiences. There is nothing ‘unspiritual’ about lacking empathy and your insides looking as if you ate a warhead candy. There is nothing you are ‘supposed’ to be feeling besides what is raw and real in each moment.
While the fundamental essence of being human is goodness and compassion- we also have an edgy shadow. Humans aren’t always skipping down the street singing with daisies like they are in a musical. It would be quite a dope show if the world was this way and maybe it might be- but as of right now we close our shell. Becoming aware of when we close is half the process of opening the wings of the heart.The rest is radical-acceptance and willingness to lean into the edge open hearted-ness.
In order to discover our heart’s potential we must first practices radical kindness to self. Humans often act from the blind unconscious mind, AKA habitual patterns taught from our folks and generations before us. In the Western world we have been taught to stay in our individualistic self-centered bubble. For example: We look at our phone while checking out at the market, pretend we don’t hear someone say hi as we place our headphones in at the gym. and choose netflix instead of picking up a phone call to help a friend. None of these are ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’. Sometimes we absolutely need to check out to protect our energy. Sometimes it roots from an unwillingness to connect.
It doesn’t matter how long we sit in meditation, how many mala beads we wear, green juices we drink, and self-help books we read- we can’t bypass the fact we will still be resentful, unmotivated, irritated, and messy AF at times. While these all help us become more aware beings- it doesn’t mean we get a fast past and bypass our humanity. Every moment we choose to counteract the pattern of closing to ourselves and the world it is worth pulling out the party poppers and celebrating. Even if it is one out of ten times – this is a milestone in our heart’s expansion process. It is an act of breaking free from the robotic trance.
The heart is limitless, but we might only get a bite size taste of it’s potential daily. Instead of setting the goal to remember kindness all the time, maybe the greatest medicine is noticing one time a day when we are about to close and choose to expand into kindness instead. Maybe this one time will organically transpire to nine or ten. Maybe you’ll have a day when you open up to everyone you meet, you feel f*cking on fleek! Maybe the next day there are triggers galore- the armor stacks up to the point you feel as if you are going to fall over Maybe your act of kindness is responding to one message out of the thirty in your inbox. Maybe this is too much and your edge is allowing yourself to rest. As long as your willing to lean in once as the moon dances around the sun then you are ahead of the game. You are well on your way home to the sweet limitless essence of your soul.
Action: Be willing to open up ONE time a day when you notice the habitual tendency too close. Maybe it is to yourself, maybe it is to the world. Notice what you feel afterwards. Witness if you are more aware and available to continue to open throughout the day.
Also: STAY TUNED for ‘Leaning into Kindness’ : Exploring the limitless heart – An event facilitated by myself and five other goddesses August 15 in the Detroit Michigan area. I will have more details in the next few days!
Please leave a comment/share an experience of opening when you wanted to close and how you felt afterwards!