The other day one of my teachers asked the class what we feel the most important question in life is. The first question that intuitively came to me like fireworks was ‘who am I?’
Marianne Williamson states that, “enlightenment is a shift from body identification to spirit identification.” When I first started studying A Course In Miracles I got so attached to the spirit identification. I denied my human existence and shamed my emotions. Emotions are what make us human. While I know that who I really am is Spirit having a human experience, I also know that being Spirit is only a concept if I am not willing to feel and embrace my humanity fully.
The human part of me requires diving deep into my senses, embracing vulnerability/ acceptance, feeling my emotions, and interconnectedness with all other species. This is the yin/Goddess (also feminine, which I am staying away from to stay gender neutral) aspect of me. The Spirit (yang, masculine, God) aspect of me is the unshakable power, cosmic, prayerful, pure awareness, and being beyond this world.
I am my most integrated vibrant self when I am working with both medicines of the yin and yang. If the pendulum falls too much to one side I either feel disempowered or arrogant. For the first couple years of this journey I only worked with the yang medicine and thought I was ‘way to spiritual for everyone’. My spiritual ego was inflated like a MOFO and it separated me from others. Even though I felt like I had so much wisdom and ‘such a deep connection to God’, I felt like shit all the time. I genuinely had the deepest desire to live a surrendered spiritual life, but I had no emotional consciousness and felt disconnected from my human family. I didn’t know what I was ‘doing wrong’.
Last year I discovered the yin path which was a saving grace from the inflated spiritual ego! I learned what radical acceptance meant for me. There is a quote from Pema Chodren that states, “Can you sit with this suffering, both yours and mine without wishing for it to go away.” This became the theme quote of my life. Instead of constantly offering over everything to the my Higher Power and pretending like nothing was ‘real’- I began to sink into my emotions in order to discover the hidden wisdom within. I learned that in all emotions there is a voice that wants to be heard, we just need to slow down in order to feel it. I learned that our emotions are actually what connect us to every other human on this planet. Our suffering is what makes us the most similar on a human level. I believe that there is a huge difference between feeling my emotions and sitting in them though. I was straight sitting/drowning in them when I discovered this path. I felt disempowered and dark. I completely forgot about the power of who I was beyond the emotions- I had forgotten Spirit, the yang.
What I realize now is that when I consciously feel, I become embodied and open the portal to the sacred heart. I am fully present, fully alive, for what is being presented in the now. I am not living in some ideological concept of enlightenment in my head. Instead I am showing up for life on life’s terms. No matter how intense the feeling might be, I know that it is okay- there is deep wisdom in it that will redirect my path so that there may be more light and growth. I also know that there is a power far greater than myself, a power that is beyond these emotions that can do the heavy lifting and remove the heaviness. Giving myself permission to feel with my entire being allows me to embody the full potentially of my Higher Power. The two work together like 2 peas in a pod. This is the sacred union of the yin and the yang.
My Higher Power is magic, but this magic requires my radical willingness and action. I have learned how to shift from body identification to spirit identification by remembering who I am in Truth and than asking myself what Love would have me do. Love would have me feel my present emotion fully and then turn my attention to someone else to be in service. This is the miraculous elixir to the heaviness of human emotions. We cannot wait until we are ‘perfect’ to show up for others and fully be used. Actually right here in this possible icky feeling, is the sparkling invitation to get out of our own way and help someone else today.
When we desire to serve the forces of love, no matter how we are feeling, we organically shift back into our power, back into Truth, back into spirit identification. When we move in life from a place of service we are constantly remembering who we are and what we came here to do. This lifts us above the current realities of this world and helps us to remember to see beyond it, to see that actually what we were feeling was a key to help someone else. Lately when I am suffering I ask myself , ‘how can this suffering help someone else’. At the end of the day we can shift suffering into service so that we can remember our true sovereign identity and name- Spirit embodied in the Earth game.
Different ways to feel an emotion:
creativity ( poetry, painting, music, dancing)
journal (give it a voice, write a letter from that emotions perspective)
make a phone call to a friend to give it a voice
embodiment practice (yoga, running, hiking, meditation, dancing, working out)
& then, turn your attention to someone else:
-make a phone call to someone who you know is suffering
-make a phone call- ask them how they are and don’t talk about your self. Shut up and listen!
-help someone ( do the dishes, move things in the house, chores , etc)
-ask your Higher Power for inspired actions to be in service
If this was healing and medicinal to you, please share it with your friends and subscribe to my work! Thank you for reading and for being such a sweet child of Goddess/God.