Less than two years ago I walked into my first political science class. I was intimidated as hell and was questioning if I should run for the hills. Because of my radical devotion to healing, I knew I could not run- I knew that I could not evolve unless I began to dip a toe into American politics.
I felt so ignorant in this class. My teacher sounded as if he were speaking a foreign language. In one of the first of classes we talked about democracy and I contracted like a rolly polly in utter shame for not having any clue what a democracy was. I will be naked and admit that I wasn’t even sure what justice meant! I had to google the definition several times so that it would stick. The dictionary was my home girl and my best friend. I would have dates with dictionary on Friday nights. I would train myself how to have a broader vocabulary because at that time the only words that would ever come out of my mouth were ‘cool’ ‘amazing’ or ‘awesome’. It felt like I literally knew nothing, my brain felt empty as could be, but my soul was exploding within.
Before I took this class I started to cultivate a deep interest in educating myself about American politics. I fell in love with Marianne Williamson and her teachings. Marianne always talks about how people in the higher consciousness world need to put down the self-help books and pick up a newspaper.
Because I was such a fetus in this world, I would get incredibly intimidated as soon as I began to read anything and would give up. I decided to allow my birth into the world of politics to take place once I walked through the doors of the political science class. Taking this class involved a shit ton of courage and vulnerability. No matter how small and stupid I felt, I was fully in my power because I was willing to take the steps forward to educate myself and become more aware. I believe that genuine authentic power is the radical willingness to do anything to heal.
A couple years prior to this class I made the conscious decision to wake up and heal. Before this I was a hardcore alcoholic, Las Vegas stripper, and could care less about anything in the world. I worshipped the Kardashians and had an aversion to learning about anything. When I decided to change my life, I immediately fell in love with the Divine. Connecting to my Higher Power was such a familiar and nourishing feeling that I was longing for my entire life. For the first time during this incarnation on planet Earth I felt purpose, I felt alive, I felt at home within myself.
Instantly, I relied on God more than I relied on air or water. The Divine became my entire life and I fell into a love affair with it. The Beloved was my every thought. The only reason I took a breath or woke up in the morning. I yearned (and still do) for nothing more than constant union and communication with the Beloved. When I woke up from my deep slumber(alcoholic days) I decided to devote every single waking breath for the rest of my life to Divine will. I prayed with my entire heart and soul for my will to be done and to get out of my own way.I was ready to surrender my life.
This radical devotion has taken me on a heck of a journey and to places that I would have never, in my whackiest weirdest dreams, imagined to be. In all honesty, the life I am living today was one that I considered to be my worst nightmare prior to my awakening. I used to have nightmares of getting sober, moving back home with family, going to college, learning how to express myself creatively, and living from the soul. When I woke up from these nightmares I would think, ‘ I would rather be dead then ever live that weird boring life’. This life has been an auspicious mystical fairy tale adventure. A dream beyond my most imaginative and wildest dreams. A colorful quantum canvas full of rich bountiful and abundant miracles.
Throughout the past few years I have felt very comfortable talking about deep soulful topics- anything that has to do with the topic of ‘God’ or self-actulization.What I feel the most vulnerable talking about, up until the past year or so, is any discourse that has to do with justice, politics, or mainstream society. As soon as a conversation shifted into something more political, I would freeze up and want to crawl out of my skin. I felt like I had nothing to contribute because I really did not know anything about this topic, and I wasn’t humble enough to embrace not knowing.
I knew that this tender wound rooted from way back in my childhood. The feelings of stupidity and having nothing to contribute had a long history. I knew that I would never feel good about myself unless I was willing to take action to become more aware in the political realm. I knew that having the willingness to heal anything that didn’t make me feel good about myself was also the willingness to unite with the Beloved Divine.
From this point on, I made a vow to read the news every single morning during breakfast no matter how ignorant I felt while reading it. I made a vow to surrender to whatever steps that were calling me to further evolve in this area. I even went to the extreme to find a meet-up group called local progressives. I showed up at this meeting and as it progressed I realized I was at a county municipal meeting- one where they made decisions for all the upcoming policies to be passed for the county. I felt SO out of place, and I honestly I defiantly was! But I couldn’t stop cracking up in disbelief and gratitude for my radical willingness to take the next steps to grow. My spirit felt invincible even though I felt like an idiot at the same time. I was in my power by taking the next step, that was all that mattered! Yogi Bhajan states that showing up is 80 percent of the work. Although I had no idea what the heck they were talking about, but I was committed and that made all the difference.
Today, I am still a fetus when it comes to the realm of politics and justice- but I have a unshakable passion to learn as much as I can. I go to about every single inclusivity and justice event at the university I attend- and educate myself on this subject like I listened to/and read metaphysical/spiritual teachings in beginning of my journey. I realize that the political and spiritual are one in the same.
I promise you with my heart and soul when I say this- this is the furthest thing I would have EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER imagined myself to be. I wanted to be a world famous playboy model- not someone who stayed in on Friday night with the dictionary while now holding the intention to get her graduates degree in social justice.
Throughout this healing path I have continued to surrender everyday! Every morning I pray ‘Where would you have me go, what would you have me do, what would you have me say, and to whom. Thy will be done. Please help me get the F out of my own way. Show me who you would have be be!’. This prayer and radical surrender has allowed me to embody this internally gorgeous, compassionate, and passionate human being that I am today- the POLAR opposite of who I was just 4/5 short years ago.The practice of radical surrender is birthing a justice warrior and sacred activist.
I am convinced that spiritual surrender is one of the most radical forms of sacred activism- activism that flourishes from the heart- activism is channeled from the mind of God. If I was able to become the passionate human I am today, then ANYTHING and EVERYTHING is possible in terms of healing one’s self and the planet. I had to fall in love with something far greater than myself before I could fall in love with myself and the world.
I do not have any idea how this journey will continue to unfold, all I need to do is allow. The potential within me is unlimited and radical surrender is the magical elixr for this potential to continue to blossom. Always remember that we have no idea who we truly am or what in the world we are capable of. As Jesus states in ACIM, ‘Your mind will elect to join with mine and together we are invisible.’
Question to contemplate- What does radical surrender mean to you and how can you embody surrender?
What is the most opposite thing that you could ever see your self doing? GO DO IT!
We have no idea who we truly are until we lean in and bust through that edge of our comfort zones!
Check out my coaching service page if you are interested in 1:1 sessions! I specialize in spiritual surrender : )